health

Smashing Fears

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I recently received an email from Cameron Von St. James, whose wife, Heather, has mesothelioma. Cameron runs a website to raise awareness about Mesothelioma and provide copious amounts of information! Yes, I have Lyme disease not cancer but this post isn’t about cancer- it’s about chronic illness and about fears. Cameron and Heather have a yearly tradition of smashing their fears. They (along with family and friends) write their fears on a plate and smash them into a big fire. They call it LungLeavin’ Day and they do it every year on the anniversary of Heather’s lung removal surgery.

Cameron emailed me because they’ve made this tradition a virtual one, so anyone can join. They’ve created this great interactive site where you can read Heather’s story (it’s short and sweet) and then where other chronically ill (or ANYONE) can do exactly what they do- write their fears on a plate and smash it into a fire! I literally teared up when I checked out their LungLeavin’ day sight and smashed my fears into this virtual fire. Being ill is SCARY. Having an illness with no set cure is scary. Having Lyme is incredibly scary given the medical worlds knowledge of the disease. But I honestly felt a wave of relief and like a slight weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I smashed my virtual fear plate.

It’s hard to let go of the fears we have, just general ones, but then tack on a chronic illness and it adds a whole new level! Although smashing a plate didn’t completely get rid of my fears, it did help dissipate them a bit- enough to let me relax slightly (which, let me tell you, is almost impossible for me to do!). I truly encourage everyone to check out this site and smash your fears!

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Fear is normal. It’s natural. We all fear. And sometimes it is hard to move beyond that. A lot of times it is hard for me to move beyond that. I fear a lot. I’m kind of a baby sometimes ;). I think I am so drawn to this smashing of a fear plate because it makes me thoughtfully acknowledge my fears (I mean, I have to articulate them and write them down on a plate!)… acknowledge them head on. Then smash them into pieces. It may be smashing them figuratively but it gives me a stronger ability to address them head on and move towards smashing them literally.

My biggest fear is of never getting better. I’ve responded poorly to treatment and it’s frightening to think I may never be 100% again. But I have to keep my hopes up and know I have people around me who are doing everything they can to help me get there. I’ve been struggling recently, especially mentally and emotionally with dealing with having Lyme and feeling like shit. I’ve had  A LOT of bad days but I am so ready to fight. I have to believe I will get better so that I can get better. Dr. Horowitz said that you can try every treatment in the world but if you have emotional blocks of any kind, none of those treatments will work. I have to continue to smash my fears so that I can take those steps, even if they are tinier then tiny, forward.

What are your biggest fears? Leave a comment letting me know what you’re afraid of, or at the very least, what keeps you going. We have to pull the strength out of ourselves and it’s okay to fear, but we can’t let that run our lives.

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4 thoughts on “Smashing Fears”

  1. I love this whole idea! My biggest fear is definitely not getting better as well. I am sure it’s a common theme in Lymeand, especially among those of us who have had difficulty with treatment. It’s so scary to think about that idea, and when it pops into my mind, I always try to denounce it quickly because the longer I let it hang around, the harder it is to get rid of. When I really feel down though, I will sometimes ask someone that I really trust (usually my mom or bf) to tell me that it’s going to be okay. It helps to know that someone else believes for you too. I love you and I believe in you- we are tough- we will get through this! xx.

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    1. I think it is important to denounce it quickly. I’m so bad at that but it is something I’m working on! That is smart to ask someone to tell you it is going to be okay, because it is! We WILL get through this and we will do it together 🙂 The lyme community is so strong and I feel like I have a million fans cheering me on sometimes (even on those days where I can’t cheer myself on)! I definitely believe in you and thank you for sharing your biggest fear ❤

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  2. I love this! Lyme is surrounded by fear. My biggest fear is giving Lyme to somebody that I love, like my future partner or my future kids. It terrifies me. But I think I’d feel a lot better if I smashed a plate with that thought in mind. It sounds totally liberating!
    The way I get through is knowing that my strength inspires people to be strong in their lives and that I am surrounded by a community who knows this struggle.
    Keep fighting and never ever stop! *hugz*

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    1. I think that is another huge fear in the Lyme community… it’s scary to think how many people may have contracted it from someone else (not a tick bite). But at least you are aware of it so you can take the right steps to prevent spreading it! Plus you are on the road to recovery so hopefully you won’t have to worry about that soon enough :). I can’t tell you how much other lymies inspire me everyday and your strength helps keep me going. Like I told Kayla, We will get through this and we will win… we’ve got a tough battle but it’s only making us stronger and braver ❤

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